You know when i look back the signs were obvious, but at the time it was like i had blinkers on, oblivious to how i was acting and behaving. Yes others around me noticed, but not me.
That is the scary thing about mental health, you just don’t see it coming.
Yes of course we can find a 100 excuses why we feel like we do, why we act like that and this, but until it really hits you that you have a problem nothing changes.
For my whole life i was the king of implementation, my daily productivity was unmatched by my peers and friends, i carried it like a badge of honor, “look how much i got done” type attitude.
Yes, i did get alot done in both my business and in my personal life, and anyone who has worked for themselves knows that it isn’t a stoll in the park, the stress is real. add to that growing a property portfolio, then throw into the mix an obsession with sport and BOOM you have the perfect ingredients for a problem.
Slowly i started to not enjoy my work, finding excuses to avoid the daily tasks required to run a business, then came the avoidance of any personal contact and i started to withdraw from social events, gatherings and outings.
Yes my life was changing and i didn’t even realise it. But those around me did.
I can almost pin point to the day when things changed for the worse, it was after boxing training in the gym, in preparation for an upcoming bout i did a massive session in the ring with a heavy weight some 20kg advantage over me, i saw this as good training, I had to be on my game or i was going to get a hiding. We did 2 minute rounds and went hard at it, 22 rounds later we were completely tanked and toast, nothing left, not a drop left in the tank.
That night was the usual dinner out with the fam at the Thai resturant, all good but i was completely exhausted.
I woke in the morning to a couple of ambo standing over me as they placed me onto a stretcher to take me to hospital after a seizure.

Yes all the stress, dehydration and exhaustion of my life came crashing to a halt that night.

With 7 broken ribs and post seizure i had to stop training, this began a whole downwards spiral of non activity, yes i hear you saying just snap out of it, get motivated, dont be a lazy arse, yes this is all the stuff i used to say to people! but now the shoe was on the other foot, which made my self esteem even worse, i hated myself.
It got so bad i didn’t recognise myself, i was a shadow of my former self, how did this even happen? these unanswered questions compounded my feeling of worthlessness.
But the key to avoid getting into this poor situation was to be aware of what was happening, aware of the behavior changes, aware of the anti socialising, all this could have been prevented to a degree if i only recognised what was happening.

These are all signs that something is not right.


Leave a comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: